Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men Often Go Awry

Wow. I started this blog with new beginnings in mind. A plan to focus on my health, a plan to focus on my figure, and most of all a plan to focus on ME.

And within a week of starting my ‘new life’ was on the path to a very different one that I had planned! Again, Life got in the way of my best intentions.

My first blog post was January 19th. What I failed to include in this blog was that on this day I also went to a OBGYN appointment that I scheduled to discuss contraceptive options for my hubby and I, as the ones we had used in the past weren’t quite working for us. We had discussed having a baby, but had decided that although we both wanted to start a family, we should wait until the end of the year. Even though it had only been a few months since my last Pap Smear (October) by gyneocologist suggested he do another before implanting a Mirena. I wasn’t 100% on the Mirena, but he convinced me that it would be the best option at this time...so, swipe away and so forth and I was off!
A few days later, the lovely old lady (grandma-esque) that works as his receptionist called to ask if I would return to the surgery, as my doctor wanted to discuss the findings of my pap smear. I was diagnosed with CINIII cervical dysplasia , which meant that the abnormal cells were throughout the wall of my cervix, but not quite into the layer of nerve endings (which would have been true-blue cancer). Explained this as the cervical wall being three layers, like three layers of bricks, and under these three layers were all the plumbing and electrical for the house...my abnormal cells were all the way through the three layers...
Anyhow...I had a few biopsies, a weird test involving a very bright light and a vinegar solution and a hospital visit where they removed a cone shaped section of my cervix. Only meant to be day surgery, I actually began to bleed heavily after being sent home and had to return to the hospital for overnight observation and a very uncomfortable ‘pack’. Imagine those yucky gauze thingies that the dentist uses to stop a tooth bleeding...but stuck somewhere else entirely!
Another side-effect (if that is what it can be called) was that I need to, ah, abstain, for about 8 weeks. I have to say...I hadn’t previously rated intimate relations as absolutely necessary for the functioning of my relationship, but by the end of the 8 week period I was just about ready to tear my eyes out!
So...we got to it...

And immediately fell pregnant!

We were stoked, if not a little surprised. After the first four weeks or so, we decided to tell our families, and I had to tell work because I started to feel a bit ill at random times of the day. My parents were thrilled, and my mum immediately told all of my eight brothers and sisters. His were not as thrilled, but came around after a few days of getting over the shock.
We started buying small things, talking about names, planning a re-shuffle of our house to make room for a nursery, looking forward to maternity leave...

And then at the six weeks and two days mark I started to bleed.

I know that miscarriages are common and that one-in-four pregnancies end this way, which means that statistically most, if not all, women will experience one...but I can honestly say I had not felt true grief until that moment.
Work was great – my manager is a lovely woman, who drove me home and booked me in to see my GP. He was great...got me an emergency appointment with the radiographer and wrote me a really great doctors certificate. But when it was all said and done I went home alone to wait for hubby to get home from work. You see, hubby is  a miner, which means he is non-contactable during work hours...I have never had to break news so sad to someone, and it was heartbreaking to watch him realise what it was I was saying.
To make matters worse, my grandmother had recently been diagnosed with a terminal illness, and my mother called me this night to tell me that she had passed away.

I could go on with a summary of the ‘week that was’, but I will leave it to your imagination.

So now, as July has drawn to a close and August is fresh on my tongue, I start anew!
What is that saying, about getting back on the horse?


  1. i found your blog via VF - so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. hope that things are all good now and onwards and upwards :) wishes. xx

  2. found your blog via vogue forums also. so sorry to hear about this terrible sadness :( i know it was a while ago and i'm not sure if you will see this comment but wanted to send you my love anyway
    chloe xxx